so cruel

 It was a dark and stormy night

the sun was out

it was cold

my feet were getting sunburned

the sky was falling

or was I falling?

I lay on my back, in the wet, muddy, cold grass

trying to fall off of the earth

temporarily turning gravity off

scary

the loneliness was vast

like the cold, impersonal universe

looking up at the sky

saying this is really unfair

knowing that everything is limited

that everything will decay

that everything will disappear

that I know this

that I can’t change it

is so cruel

To be and to love being and then to know the hard truth

that being comes to an end

why do we have to know that

why are we this way?

Suddenly the storm broke though the sun

the cold wind a blowtorch

the rain like rays of heat

the words thought

didn’t matter

matter didn’t

didn’t being

being didn’t

being

didn’t

wind passing over vocal chords

no being necessary

the vast could not be satisfied

the being could not be vast

being, the being

wind passing over vocal chords

if you want freedom, sit still

life in highly industrialized, high-income societies is emotionally and physically overwhelming. most people don't know, nor recognize this. humans are animals, subject to conditioning as any organism with a nervous system is. you are not free. you have been lead to believe that you are, but you are not. can you truly do whatever you want, to get whatever society tells you that you need, without any consequences? there is a cost to all behavior, yet we have been conditioned to not consider that. when confronted with any challenge to what we are "supposed" to be doing at any given point, we get scared, angry, resentful, dismissive.

the human organism is not adapted to modern, urban, social life. we have not evolved enough to live in cities and be comfortable. our bodies are wired to live among small groups of people that all know each other, not massive urban areas, where everyone is a stranger. ever wonder why people spend so much time shopping, doomscrolling, drinking, watching videos, using porn, gambling, driving fast, and overeating? it's their attempt to find comfort amidst the relentless sensory bombardment of sound, visuals, kinetics that are the hallmarks of urban environments. they think they are free because they can do any or all of these things as often as they can afford to. sadly, they will never find the comfort, nor the freedom that they think they enjoy.

to get that comfort, that freedom, that peace, all people need to do is sit still, that is where comfort, freedom, peace lives.